Lavender's Love Life
by Airri Phlyer
Summary: Lavender divines her love life, using star charts, palmistry, and tarot cards. This is a songfic the song is Case of the Ex, by Mya.


**Lavender's Love Life**

**A/N: Thanx to everyone who read and reviewed. The song if Case of the Ex, by Mya. Hope you like, and smilies to everyone who helped me. Especially you, my SotG Twin!**

_It's after midnight and she's on your phone  
Sayin' come over 'cause she's all alone  
I could tell it was your "ex" by your tone  
But why is she callin' now after so long _

"Friends, don't make me laugh," Lavender scoffed, "She didn't talk to him for weeks after he started going out with me! But I suppose she wants to make up with him now he's all _interesting._"

Lavender brooded over the fact thatHermione wasn't even pretty. The only good thing about her was that she was _clever_, but she was a snobby know-it-all at that.__

Now, what is it that she wants  
Tell me what is it that she needs  
Did she hear about the brand new Benz  
That you just bought for me  
'Cause y'all didn't have no kids  
Didn't share no mutual friends  
And you told me that she turned trick  
When y'all broke up in 96 

"Would you call getting poisoned being interesting?" Harry asked her, with an irritated look on his face. "Anyway – sorry, got to go – there's McLaggen coming for a talk about Quidditch." He hurried off through a door that looked like a wall.

Lavender figured the irritated look was because of McLaggen. From what she had heard, he was enough to irritate anyone.She frowned and walked in the other direction, up to the Gryffindor tower where she had to work on her Divination homework. Trelawny had assigned them work on love life predictions.__

Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle that  
Whatcha gon' do when she wants you back 

She walked slowly up to the Fat Lady, wondering why Ron had even agreed to go to the Christmas party with Hermione. As far as Lavender could tell, there was nothing good about the girl, other than getting homework answers from her.

"Metra kethria," Lavender said dully to the portrait, which swung open immediately. There she saw Parvartisitting down with a quill in hand.

_  
Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle that  
Whatcha gon' do when she wants you back _

Stalking over to Parvarti, Lavender pulled out quill, ink, and parchment from her stylish bag. Trelawny's assignment was to write an essay about three different techniques for divining love life predictions and what the results were for yourself.

Lavender sneered. Of course the results would point in the direction of Ron, she thought condescendingly. Deciding to find out the predictions before writing the paper, she pulled a star chart towards her.__

There's no need to reminisce 'bout the past  
Obviously 'cause that sh did not last  
I know how a woman will try to game you  
So don't get caught up because baby you'll lose

Since Venus was making a forty-five degree angle to Mars, that would mean love with a red-haired man and resulting war. That fit. She and Ron loved each other, and the war was against Hermione, the clingy, brown-nosing person that she was.

Storing her prediction in the back of her mind for later, Lavender examined the palm of her left hand. The love line was etched deep, meaning a fruitful and enjoyable love life. About halfway through it, though, a small whorl interrupted it, meaning strife. And past that, it divided in two, meaning either she was playing somebody or somebody was cheating on her.__

Now what is it that she wants  
Tell me what is it that she needs  
Did she hear about the brand new Benz  
That you just bought for me  
'Cause y'all didn't have no kids  
Didn't share no mutual friends  
And you told me that she turned trick  
When y'all broke up in 96 

Lavender knew that she would _never _cheat on anybody, so that must mean she would be cheated on. Dimly, she had a thought that Ron was playing her for Hermione, but she scoffed and brushed that away. Though _Hermione_ was obsessed with Lavender's boyfriend, Ron was completely honest and open with her.__

Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle that  
Whatcha gon' do when she wants you back 

Distracted, Lavender put down her homework. "Pavarti?"

"Yes, Lavender?"

"Don't you think Hermione's totally obsessed with Ron? I mean, I know she went to Slughorn's party with McLaggen, but she didn't enjoy it."

_Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle that  
Whatcha gon' do when she wants you back _

Pavarti sighed. Lavender was sure it was because she totally agreed with Lavender's theory about Hermione. "Lavender, we've talked about this before."

"I know, but Hermione is totally hating me because I'm going out with Ron. She just wants to make up with him now that he's not boring. Besides, she might have realized he's a wonderful at snogging." This completely made sense to Lavender.

"Okay, Lavender." Parvarti gave up on conversation and looked down at her parchment._  
_

_Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle that  
Whatcha gon' do when she wants you back _

Frowning, Lavender Summoned her special Tarot deck to do the thirddivining. Lavender had two decks, one for love life and one for the regular predictions. Drawing four cards, she studied them.

_Tell me why she on the phone in the middle of the night  
Tell me why she in your life trying to get what's mine  
She don't know me, she's about to know me  
I'm in your life that's how it's gon' be  
I seen her photo, she ain't even all that  
So if you want her back, you can take her back  
'Cause game recognize game, I can do the same thing  
Get it right, change or take back this ring _

One: Queen of Spades. Two: Jack of Hearts. Three: Two of Spades. Four:Six of Clubs.

Lavender checked her Advanced Divination for the Diviner copy. Queen of Spades indicated a demanding and stubborn woman in a relationship, the Jack of Hearts implied that a red-haired man would be involved in that relationship, the Two of Spades suggest conflict, and the Six of Clubs said that, in the end, there would be peace.

_Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle that  
Whatcha gon' do when she wants you back _

So obviously, it meant that Lavender and Ron were meant to be together, some conflict would come of it, but everything would be okay in the end. That meant that Hermione would get over the fact that she and Ron were together sooner or later. That was good. Lavender was getting tired of Hermione's ill-veiled glares._  
_

_Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle that  
Whatcha gon' do when she wants you back _

Hermione would be fine if she just accepted that Ron and Lavender were a pair, Lavender thought decisively. She would have no luck in trying to win over Ron, because Lavender was sure that Ron loved her totally and completely. Besides, Lavender was so much better looking than Hermione, and not such an insufferable know-it-all. Nicer too. And better at snogging._  
_

_Whatcha gon' do when you can't say no  
And her feelings start to show  
Boy I really need to know - and  
How ya gonna act  
How ya gonna handle thatWhatcha gon' do when she wants you back_

Lavender pulled the parchment towards her, finally working on the essay. After all, all the divining methods had pointed at the same thing: She and Ron were meant for each other. And Hermione was just annoying. And that was that.


End file.
